loving hard

i shouldn’t be allowed to love. and i shouldn’t be allowed to tell myself that because it hurts. it hurts deep.

but it’s because i love too hard

i get attached too fast and then I think think think

think about it too much

and i cry about you and i talk about you and the sound of your voice brings a smile to my lips and my heart rises and beats and skips and i can’t stop thinking about you no matter how hard i try

i would pay rent to live inside your head the way you live inside of mine

the thing about loving hard is that you fall down hard too

i worry about you i get sick over you i wish I didn’t notice everything about you but there’s a part of me that can’t help but notice things that don’t ask for attention and i curse under my breath because this happened last time and the time before that and there will never be a version of me that doesn’t love hard because

maybe that’s the way i wanna be loved

maybe I care too much because I want to be cared about

and it kills me because i know that most people only know how to love softly because they’re too afraid of what will happen when they fall

not me

i’ve already fallen

I couldn’t eat for three days because of a boy who broke my heart

how is that fair?